In a widely commented upon recent interview by the London Times, Goldman Sachs’ Chief Executive Officer Lloyd Blankfein stated, “I’m doing God’s work.”

If we are to give Mr. Blankfein the benefit of the doubt regarding the apparently rather hubristic point of view regarding his work, it is important that we identify how investment banking relates to the kind of work that alleged gods do.

Although we can thank those oh-so-trustworthy Catholics for helping a small collection of repeatedly translated ancient religious books survive through “dark ages,” “inquisitions,” etc., ancient religious books can be kind of inscrutable at times, especially with respect to apparent contradictions, lack of corroborating sources and 2000 year old language and all. Still, if Mr. Blankfein is “doing god’s work” by collecting interest on money lent to others, we should be able to find examples of gods involved in similar activities in archeology, or ancient mythological writings. Shouldn’t these ancient books mention at least one god making at least one loan somewhere - like loaning another supernatural living thing a star to help create life or something? By the way, you would think a book written more than 2000 years ago would have a decent index by now.

What was it? “Give unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s?” No, that is not…wait…oh now I get it! So THAT is why they put “In God We Trust” on the money in 1954! Slick. No wonder god needs a banker. You learn something new every day.

Ok. So what if the mystical books written before printing existed do not mention it, according to the CEO of Goldman Sachs, apparently when god catches the bus on his way to work in the morning he gets off near a bank – or maybe not.

Some folks say god owns everything anyway. You try making a profit when you already own everything. Maybe he has hired Mr. Blankfein – “temporary” like – you know? After all, god must get tired of all those amortization schedules, profit statements etc. that Mr. Blankfein has to fill out. That type of paperwork can get pretty complicated especially when the numbers get real big – maybe even for a god.

You never know. It could happen. Maybe god has shareholders he must report to somewhere. After all, if he was alive before life existed so that he could create living things, maybe his shareholders existed too. Maybe its like – god incorporated or something. If so, he must need a break now and again, so humans like Mr. Blankfein - willing and able to do his work - must be a godsend – so to speak.

There could be other alternatives. Everyone needs financial advice and a decent broker. Maybe Mr. Blankfein is just investing for God, who really really needed to place some assets after cleaning up during that big old the Savings and Loan “debacle” of the early eighties.

Wait a minute! Doesn’t the Savings and Loan scandal look a lot like the subprime mortgage meltdown - except this time they did not put the money they borrowed from their own bank using contracts with no payments in their wife’s name in order to keep it. This time no one is going to go to jail and no one is going to soil the reputation of a Member of Congress after making big fat “donations.” No. The subprime meltdown and “bail outs” are nothing like the Silverado deal – nothing. Remember god had nothing to do with that – it was big shot politicians that wrote laws with loopholes that allowed illegal stuff to go on. That is very different from getting rid of laws (deregulation) so that illegal stuff could go on. Nevermind. Nevermind! Just forget about it. Very different. Lets go back to “…doing god’s work.”

Remember, we are talking about god and money here, not ripping off millions of people using banks, and as everyone knows, god works in mysterious ways – like by helping those who help themselves. Perhaps this is why Mr. Blankfein is paid so well. After all, if you are going to step in and take over for god at the office, well, you deserve a decent paycheck – even when things do not go so well.

Of course, we cannot be sure exactly who Mr. Blankfein is working for. If different people worship different gods, then Mr. Blankfein might be doing the work of some other god than god. It can be hard to tell who Lloyd Blankfein is working for – it is hard to keep Cybele’s fertility, Ero’s passion, Forseti’s justice, Khepri’ sun, Isis’s rainbows, Thanatos death, Thor’s thunder, or Yu-huang’s heavens in a bank. Usually, banks hold money, not natural phenomenon. It is pretty challenging to loan stuff like rainbows out too, with or without interest. Perhaps Blankfein works for the Norse god Alberich, who guards treasures and gave Loki the magic ring of the Aesir.

No wonder god needs a banker – apparently, despite having super powers and stuff, a lot of gods do not seem to have much put away for retirement. It looks like real gods make real money (tax free of course), not emotion, fecundity and colorful atmospheric phenomenon.

Banks usually stick to the money thing, and well, maybe jewels and precious metals and stuff in the safety deposit boxes. If god owns everything, he will probably need a serious bank. Perhaps gods need banks with a safety deposit boxes into which you can put the bank you are trying to protect - kind of like needing a universe in which a living thing can create the universe – and life itself.

It all makes a lot of sense - if you want it to.

Perhaps there is one lesson here; if Lloyd Blankfein is good enough for god, he is good enough for silly little mortals like us. At least we can be sure Blankfein and Goldman Sachs will not go broke with god on their side, right?

by Groff Schroeder, November 18, 2009